Week+5+-+Dealing+with+difficult+parents+(contribution+page)

__**Week 5 - Dealing with difficult parents**__ Facilitators: Deirdre & Kendall

[] [] [] [|www.ilt.ccs.k12.nc.us/E-Mentoring/Dealingwithparents.doc] - Deirdre
 * A few resources that we used during our discussion:**

Difficult Parents

The school system has changed rather dramatically since I (Sherry) was in school. Then, the parents rarely darkened the doors of the school and for the most part, teachers were the authority figures outside of the home. Now, parents are asked to participate in all aspects of school life – field trips, in-school assistants, homework contracts, as expert speakers, etc. With this more prominent role comes greater influence. Indeed, the Alberta Minister of Education is asking to revise the Education act to include greater roles for parents.

I interviewed a few junior high teachers about how they handle a difficult parent situation. All pointed out that there are really two situations that arise: 1) the “surprise” attack; and 2) the arranged meeting. Different approaches are used for each, and the school has a policy covering both situations, but that is only really effective in the case of the “arranged” meeting.

“Surprise” confrontations are usually at the parent/teacher conferences. Each teacher tends to respond in their own personal style, but generally they listen, listen, listen. These conferences are held in a larger public group area like the library, and are therefore not a closed private classroom space. This tends to dissuade angry outbursts, and for the most part, parents will talk it out rather than yell. There is also a sense of security with the other teachers’ conference tables within earshot. They also stressed the importance of early and detailed documentation of downfalls and attempted interventions. This eliminates the he-said-she-said scenario.

I’ll wait until tomorrow to go over the “arranged meeting” situation, but it includes more than just the teacher and parent – all the student’s teachers are in on the meeting. This gives a more complete picture of the student and his life at school.

Here are some sources that include lists of how-to suggestions and steps:

[]

[] "Something that I really appreciated about the high school in which I taught was that when a parent requested a conference with a teacher, all of the student's teachers were encouraged to attend. Likewise, if a teacher wanted a conference with a parent, the conference was scheduled through the guidance office, so all of the student's teachers, along with the guidance counselor, attended. I felt so much more comfortable in group meetings than I would have by myself with a parent." --from above source--

[]

-- Sherry (I tried to submit this this morning but it wouldn't save -- sorry Deirdre and Kendall!)

Dealing with difficult parents is one area of teaching that is really going to test all of us. I think one of the best things we can do is be proactive. Keeping in contact with parents on a regular basis is a good way to do this. This regular contact will help parents understand where their child is struggling, and what improvements can be made.This regular contact will also hopefully help you build a positive rapport with parents which may reduce the amount of angry parents you have to deal with.

Another thing that was mentioned quite a bit in the resources I read was that documentation was really important. Making sure we document everything we can. Documenting why you graded an assignment the way you did (having the rubric on hand) will allow you to have the support you need when a parent wants to come in and talk to you. Also, documenting any contact you have with parents, when it happened and what was said. This just allows you to have the support you need to back up anything you say if a parent wants to come in and see you.

These three resources just talk about some things you should/could do to effectively deal with a difficult parent.

[] [] []

Ashley

Ashley has some good points! I know this link is not teaching-centered, but I think teachers can still find some good bits to take away from "verbal judo" when it comes to dealing with difficult parents or students: []

This book looks good by the description/reviews: []

And then there's the sandwich the bad between the good technique: []

Even though people grow into adults, they carry with them the same attachment style set in their early childhood (as we discussed in 406). In a way, adults are still children, if they haven't learned certain critical life messages to live in balanced, healthy relationships.

-Charlene

The role of the parent and their involvement in their child’s education and success in/out of school is an incredibly significant one...and the impact a parent can have on the day to day life of a teacher is pretty powerful as well. Dialogue exploring the parent-teacher relationship has been non existent in our program thus far, so I am happy that we’ll have a chance to discuss this on Thursday. I’ll bring the book my father (teacher/administrator for 20+ years) gave to me when I enrolled into Education: Dealing with Difficult Parents and with Parents in Difficult Situations by Todd Whitaker and Douglas Fiore (2001).

I like how they look at the structure and functionality of today’s families. According to some social psychologists, families can be classified as being either child centered or adult centered. Child centered families, often represented by the middle class, are recognized as those families that focus their resources on the needs of their children. By contrast, adult-centered families, typically thought of as lower class or underclass families, tend to use available resources to satisfy the needs of adults, not children. We need to understand that in some cases and adult centered attitude grows out of the difficulty in coping with the demands of daily life...spending much of their time/energy worrying about basic needs, consequently children and the things they need are pushed to the rear. ...then again, child-centered behaviour can be taken to extremes that are equally as damaging...overindulgence, defending the child when they are clearly in the wrong, etc...

All in all, the main message of the book is that we need to get to know our parents. Whether it is in the case that we are struggling with a student and our patience bucket is running out, the best thing to do is to meet his/her parents... this will allow a whole new perspective...we’d be aware of the family situation and our view of that student will likely dramatically change. The book also speaks of positive communication as prevention, contacting the parents when their child is doing something great, rather than just having the conversations with parents based on a negative incident. The author’s also quote Stephen Covey’s popular statement “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (1990, p. 255) which I believe will be important to keep in mind when we have our defences up or feel threatened in some difficult conversations that are sure to occur throughout our careers. -Elise