Week+5+-+Summary+Paper

__Dealing with Difficult Parents__
Facilitators: Deirdre & Kendall

The topic of dealing with difficult parents briefly emerged during our Week 4 discussion. Through conversations with teachers, it is evident to us that one of the most challenging areas surrounding teaching is learning how to deal with challenging parents. We thought it would be beneficial to delve into this area with a few resources, some discussion, and some role playing to bring life to the issue.

The first portion of our seminar was a role playing activity. We presented half of the group, the parents, with a variety of scenarios, each dealing with a sensitive situation. Most of the scenarios were emotionally charged and involved some type of confrontation. We gave the teacher group no background information at all to underscore the importance of clear communication in a teacher/parent conversation. The parent began the conversation, providing the teacher with just enough information to respond. When the first scenario was played out, we switched roles and provided new scenarios to the parent group. There were a total of four confrontations occurring simultaneously and as group facilitators, we listened to each, recording what strategies were effective. I immediately noticed the body language of each teacher; some teachers were visibly defensive while others appeared to be taken by surprise. Some effective strategies the group members used to diffuse their situation were:
 * Asking questions to clarify the situation
 * Staying calm and professional
 * Planning future meetings with other members of the school community
 * Offering a sincere apology and responding in an honest manner
 * Maintaining personal boundaries by communicating expectations of mutual respect

Following this activity, we discussed these effective strategies and others that were outlined in a number of resources we provided to the group. The need for clear and concise communication was discussed. We explained that part of the activity was to demonstrate this need since the teachers were not given all of the information that was necessary to solve the problem. At times, teachers are forced to deal with an incomplete puzzle. We will receive only some of the pieces at different times and will be required to put the puzzle together, so having as much information as possible will make this an easier and clearer task.

To highlight in the importance of communication we had the group members participate in a communication exercise. They were asked to sit back to back, one partner as the communicator and the other partner as the artist. The communicator described a picture to the artist and the person was asked to only listen and not look. After completing the exercise we debriefed the experience with the group. What came out of the debrief were good analogies for dealing with communication in relationships. The more information you have, or the more you understand about the situation, the better you come prepared to communicate. Communication can be difficult with someone you can only communicate minimally with (language barriers, personality differences). Finally, that it is important, as a teacher, to not take conflict personally and work towards good relationships with the parents of all your students.The resources we found discussed the need for healthy communication, teachers knowing how to communicate effectively with parents can lead to better relationship building and understanding between them.

Through our research, we discovered that the two most challenging types of parents to deal with in the classroom are parents who tend to hover (i.e. “helicopter parents”) and disengaged parents for various reasons. In our role playing activity, there were two scenarios that coincided with these parent types. One involved a single mother who had two jobs, a number of children, and who was struggling with her responsibilities. We asked the parent role player to appear ambivalent and exhausted. The “helicopter parent” scenario involved the father of a kindergarten child who, during the morning drop-off, refused to leave the classroom because he felt the need to supervise his son during class. We referred to these two situations during the discussion and discussed how the teacher in each situation dealt with these parents. I shared few personal stories with the group of experiences with similar parents. We chose to finish the session up with a question: which type of parent would you prefer to deal with and why? It was unanimous that all members would prefer to deal with the disengaged parent as there would be less challenges to deal with on a daily basis with this type.

Through our group meeting, it was clear that dealing with difficult parents requires strong communication skills and patience. Collecting more information by asking questions and dealing with confrontations in a professional manner also come into play when faced with an uncomfortable situation. Lastly, asking for help and bringing in other members of the school community for support are critical factors when trying to keep the peace with difficult parents.

[] [] [] [|www.ilt.ccs.k12.nc.us/E-Mentoring/Dealingwithparents.doc]
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